Wednesday, April 15, 2009

#614: dress envy.

i went to a wedding this weekend. and among other bits of fabulosity, the dress the bride wore was just stunning.

it was literally perfect.

i've never really lusted after a wedding gown before. well, not like this, anyways. a wedding dress is a wedding dress. is a wedding dress. a strapless is a strapless. is a strapless. i don't hate it. but i don't love it. and that's how i've always felt. like on a scale of ambivalence for wedding dresses, i tipped heavy to the "very ambivalent" side.

ergo my own spontaneous dress purchase months and months ago, a month or so into our engagement. i bought it (marked down 50%! wow! must buy now!), felt a few but not TOO many pangs of regret (mostly due to the price tag even after the 'marked down 50%!' thing), and haven't really looked back since.

because...i'm ambivalent.

but after seeing my friend's wedding dress this weekend, i'm having second thoughts. thing is. her wedding gown was made by one of her (extreeeeeemely) talented bridesmaids. it fit her perfectly, both in size and personality. i know it's not good to envy...but then again, oftentimes, that's how we're challenged to action, right?

not sure what i'm planning to do, really. but i might do something.

p.s. and we're less than 2 months out. good times.

38 comments:

brittany said...

I keep hearing most brides doubt their own dresses as the wedding gets closer. My wedding is in just under two months and I'm actually almost hating my dress now (and price is a big reason!). So I'm telling myself this is all completely normal and trying not to worry about it. Stick with your dress. If you're already feeling a little guilty about the price, think about how much MORE guilty you would feel if you bought a whole other dress.

Natalie M Miller said...

totally understand! I'm having major dress envy/don't think I like my dress anymore... but it's too late for me to turn back now - I have 24 days left :(

holly p said...

I am feeling the same way! My dress is pretty, I'm just not sure it's really "me". But I don't want to spend a bunch of money buying a new one. It's stressful :(

Michelle said...

Your dress is really pretty, though!! Two months is enough time if it's really important to you. You could sell your dress online, or have it altered. I wish you had a picture of your friend's dress. :-)

Eva said...

Wow I'm glad I'm not alone in dress envy. When My friend bought her's I loved hers and mine.. not so much. Then I tried it on again with my shoes, and earrings, and danced around in it in my apartment. I had a change of heart and now am happy. With so many amazing things out there it's hard not to get dress envy. Try it on. Dance in it and maybe you'll love it all over again.

Stephanie Lyn said...

I bought my dress 4 months ago & loved it (it's being sewn in Spain right now). My first fitting is in May, so I only have 'the memory' that the dress is perfect. Each time I see a dress that is amazing, I think to myself 'I wish I had shopped around a bit more...maybe gone to more stores...did I pick the right dress?'. But then I look at the photos my MOH took when I tried it on & I fall in love with it again.

I'm so nervous for my fitting (despite hoping that it will fit) I think this is normal.

Stephanie Lyn said...

If I remember correctly, isn't your dress very simple/elegant. Maybe you can add an accessory that 'is so you' to make it feel more personal.

Anonymous said...

Totally felt ambivalent about my dress before.

Went veil shopping a month before the wedding and "accidentally" tried on a sample sale gown.

Fell head over heels in love. Cindarella birds flying around, fat mice named Gus at my feet, violins playing in the air.

Bought new dress (sample and on sale- a dealio). It might just be my favorite piece of clothing ever, and that's saying a LOT. Haven't regretted it for a minute. Selling old dress at the same cost I purchased it for.

If you can do it, by all means do it. I think the most important thing for me was that when I put on the new dress, I felt like me.

Linda said...

I was so excited about my first dress. I bought it, one thing checked off. About 3 months before the wedding I realized I made a mistake and set out to find a new dress. I think I should have waited to buy a dress since I hadn't fully planned out the wedding when I bought the first one.

Twin Cities Bride said...

I am regretting my dress. Because I'm doing the whole wedding thing in under 7 months. My fiance proposed in October last year and we are getting married in 30 days. I went looking for dresses and EVERYONE told me it takes 6 months to get a dress. I only had 7. I rushed into it. :( If only I had known about oncewed.com or preownedweddingdresses.com

The dress is pretty but not me just like some of the other posters have said. Booo

un-bride said...

I haven't gone to a wedding since my whole planning insanity began. I can't even image what my over-taxed little brain would do, under such conditions. Besides explode.

I say you're forgiven for any & every thought you had/have/might potentially someday have about the whole ordeal. I need a nap, justthinking about it.

melanie said...

what if you get/make some really snazzy accessories to go with your dress? maybe that will help revive your love for your dress.

i bought mine a couple of weeks ago online for $250 (and my wedding is 13 months away), and while i wonder if i jumped the gun, i a) am reminding myself that it's gorgeous and i picked it for a reason, and b) repeating this mantra: it's just a dress. an important dress, but just a dress.

that helps keep my crazy at bay.

chicncheap said...

I love my dress and got a great deal on it.
BUT, I really wish I went to Filene's because it wasn't my dream Monique Lhuillier or Vera Wang. My dress is pretty exceptional for the price and details, but I understand why there are 2 dress brides now.

There are so many great websites out there too. Ok I'm enabling. You probably have a great dress, but if you want another one, it's your choice because it's your wedding.

la said...

i completely understand! i rushed into purchasing my dress and, though my mom and bridesmaids love it and keep saying it's "so me," i have extreme dress-envy. i mean it's pretty, i just didn't have the "omg. totally. the. one." tears and fireworks feeling that everyone describes. one thing that has helped is making some alterations/additions to it that make it more like the dresses i covet that are way above my price range - adding a ruffle, changing the sash - stuff like that. perhaps you could make alterations too, or add accessories like others have suggested?

violarulz said...

what about going to a seamstress and adding cap sleves or straps? something to make it not so "this is a strapless dress"-y and more yours.

AmyJean said...

I think dress envy is natural. And i think someone will see you in your dress and feel the same way. A couple times when i went to try on dresses, the bride next to me asked to try on the gown i just had on... and vice versa. Sometimes its easier to envy without doubts others b/c its not our own decision. And it seems most brides doubt their decision as the date approaches !:) I think you should stick w/ur awesome dress!
RelentlessBride

christina said...

first off, i know it doesn't seem like it, but 2 months is really plenty of time...(i planned our whole wedding while producing a show in less than 5!! so you are doing great!!)

suggestions to add accessories, make it your own, etc are great...even adding a shrug can really transform it and personalize it...or take it to a stylist/designer friend...

and remember your friend's dress looked great because it was her day. your dress will look great on your on *your* day...just be confident, happy and own it.

and you bought that dress for a reason, it will all work out just the way it should...

melanie said...

I'm a two dress bride... I really liked the first dress I bought but it was kinda pricey and too formal for the beach wedding we're having. So I went out shopping again and ordered dress #2, which was more casual, and more like what I expected to want when I first started shopping. Then, last weekend (as in 2 weeks before the wedding!), I decided I wanted to wear the original dress instead. My seamstress has been amazing and is going to be able to do all the alterations to dress #1 before we leave in a week, but the whole process has been really stressful.

My only suggestion is try to figure out exactly what you like about your friend's dress and what you like/dislike about yours. When I was able to separate what I wanted to wear from what I thought everyone else would *expect* me to wear, the decision was easy(er). Don't feel bad about looking for a new dress if that's what you decide. :)

Los Angeles on a Budget said...

I think dress envy is normal - just like I don't believe there's only ONE single person who's completely-right-and-everything-you-ever-dreamed-of-in-a-partner, there's not ONE prefect dress that's entirely you. For me, I have about five perfect wedding dresses that flatter and fit my personality (depending on my mood) and make me feel incredibly special. I have not bought the dress yet, but I'm sure I will both love the dress I choose and kinda wish I also had the other ones, especially since they're so pretty. (Note that the partner-as-dress analogy ends here, because I do NOT feel this ambivalence about my partner.)

Remember, your dress is great. You picked it because you liked it and it worked for you (oh - and it's DANCEABLE.) And it's not the last dress you'll ever get to buy. I'm planning on finding ways to incorporate my non-wedding dress styles into future dress purchases. It makes me feel better than simply abandoning all the other lovelies.

Lysandra said...

I say go try a few on if you have the time. I've heard lots of brides say it makes them realize they are actually happy with their dress. Or, if yours is at home, invite a friend or two over and try it on to remind you what you love about it!

Meg said...

Christina is wise. Listen to her.

Also, this is so so normal. NORMAL. Partially because it just is, partially because we've put all this cultural pressure to have a perfect dress that we have a deep emotional reaction too on our perfect day. Now THAT is not normal ;)

What you are feeling? Yeaaaahhhhh. For sure. Also, I love your dress..

august15bride said...

I feel your pain. I have had a love/hate relationship with my dress. But it hasn't even arrived yet (supposed to be here at the end of this month). After one night of total panic attacks about my dress, I found a sample of it at a local store. I went and tried it on. And I fell in love with it all over again.

There is a reason you picked your dress. Her dress may have been perfect for her, but your dress is yours for a reason. Embrace it! :)

Laurel said...

I am sure everyone goes through dress envy--- decorations envy etc. etc..... can you link to your dress again I forgot what it looks like. Thanks! Just curious!

amy said...

Ditto, ditto, ditto!!! You've done it again. I just purchased my 2nd dress (1. Really Amy!? 2 dresses? 2. Other one was $30 simple A-line from Target so...) & it's being sent to my mom for alterations. "i don't hate it. but i don't love it." This was pretty much with all I've seen/tried on. I am going to make the dress my own at least - get rid of the hideous hem, add straps & wear red shoes(!). And like Melanie, I've picked up "it's just a dress" too. It helps. Though TTO & co. helps more!

liz@ chic on the cheap said...

yes, i'm in the same boat... dress-ambivalent, sorta settled on a sample rack sale plain boring strapless white... yadda yadda. don't hate it. don't love it.

rather than do the second-dress-scurry, i'm DETERMINED to go crazy on details i love. hot hot shoes. amazing lipstick. perfect hair.

rather than obsess over the shoulda-couldas, obsess over all the fun ways you can play up the plainness of dress #1.

personal soapbox time now... i think weddings make folks put way way too much stock into the dress. i expected fireworks when i put the thing on, and it didn't happen. and that's probably why i regret.

Kelly Merrill said...

I feel like you are a rockstar in the blogging world and should post on etsy or something, see if some excellent seamstress near you could whip something up for a good price in exchange for the instant fame that would occur thanks to the thousands that read your blog. just a thought.

east side bride said...

I feel you, lady.

Colleen said...

Wow that's kind of scary. Well I say go with your gut... every little girl dreams of her wedding day, and wants to be perfect and beautiful. Despite the fact that reality kicks in somewhere around 3rd grade, there is still the possibility of having the wedding of your dreams. Budget is of course a factor, but so is feeling fabulous on your special day.

Julia said...

I definitely hear that! I bought my perfect dress because it was super cheap and a perfect fit. Now I have major dress envy... most of the time. If I could get back what I paid for it I would go with a new one, but I'm not sure that I could and the hassle... bleurgh. I keep telling myself it'll be fine, it's just a dress, and there are bigger problems. But then I look on another blog, see another dress and cry a little bit ;) I am curious though - can you post a picture of the dress from the wedding?!

Molly said...

Maybe you could borrow your friend's dress? Then you'd have a dress you love with a lot of good memories already attached to it.

If she's a very different size or that would be weird, then I agree with everyone who's recommending accessories. My boyfriend and I have such different ideas about what I should wear, and I am also quite apathetic, so I'm just getting a comfy, flattering, inexpensive, extremely generic dress. I won't love it, but it's better than having him hate it.

So, I'm just going for broke on little details that will make me happy -- silly, meaningful clips hidden in my hair, blue toenail polish, some funky jewelry, my grandmother's earrings.

My outfit will be very me because it's proof that I value my boyfriend's happiness significantly more than a dress. Your dress will be very you because you have more important things to think about and spend your money on.

Think of it as a visual expression that you have your priorities in order.

Tex said...

Just reading these posts makes me feel better. I am finding myself wishing that my dress would have some sort of accident.

Quiana aka Haute Chocolate aka Mrs. B said...

Funny you wrote this because a friend of mine who is getting married, were just talking about this yesterday...my advice to her was whatever is your first reaction to the dress you purchased is usually the right choice.

believe me you will always see a dress afterwards that is just as gorgeous as the one you bought but just no that the dress you fell in love with at first site is one that exemplifies everything that is unique about you! Thats why you had such a huge response to in the first place. You made the right choice!!!

Gingerbread Girl said...

I had major dress doubt in the weeks leading up to my wedding - I too bought my dress at a 50% off sample sale and it was one of the first I tried on! I went a little crazy shopping around, looking for off-the-rack dresses, and scouring websites. BUT, when I had my hair and make-up trial done, and then tried on the dress, it made a huge difference. Finally, my seamstress was a miracle worker, and when it came time to alter it, she made it look like the dress was literally made for only me. All the pieces will come together - don't doubt your decision!

sera said...

grr. me too. total buyers remorse. more details here:
brokensaucer.blogspot.com

gave you love too.

Gemma said...

I went through the same thing. I saw a friend of mine in a dress and loved it but I already bought a dress. I wanted it so much I went on a secret trip and tried it on. Thankfully it didn't look as good on me. I still go back and forth about my dress and I need to try it on once in awhile to remind me why I bought it. But don't worry many people feel the same way about their dress.

amber {daisy chain} said...

you can always have a seamstress re-shape your dress or even change the style completely. I bought a vintage dress and had it totally re-made into a fitted a-line that I had a picture of. so, see what you can do with what you already have, and stop going to so many weddings, they'll make you crazy before your own!

ladybug said...

Hello everyone,

I'm really glad I ran across this blog because I only have three weeks to my wedding and I dislike my wedding dress. I can't return it at this point or afford to purchase a new one.

The Perfect Pear l.l.c. - Jeremiah K said...

choose the wedding gown that are for you, and the one's that you like, choose now and your regret it, get your own unique wedding gown, your gown is better than other brides wedding gown.. choose wisely! :)

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