Friday, March 13, 2009

#581: you are not alone.

thanks sara for the healthy reminder this lovely friday morning.

in this here said safe space of the blogosphere, we all get what we're trying to do. we all get that we are not here to criticize, to compete, to jam mainstream weddings stuffs down each other's throats, to BE THE BEST WEDDING THROWER EVER.

but in real life, not everyone feels that way. in fact, most people don't get it. in fact, most people around me still don't get it. but hey. whatevs.

as you begin, as you plan, as you play around on sites like the knot, as you start brainstorming ideas, as you prioritize, as you make decisions...don't let raised eyebrows, shocked silences, catty comments...stop you.

it hasn't stopped me and i see and hear less of all that now. not to say it isn't being done or said. but to say...i've focused on what we consider to be important and for the most part, haven't been sweatin the other stuff...and couldn't be happier about it.

as should you.

you be you. and most importantly, enjoy the ride. pretty please. that's all.

26 comments:

Blablover5 said...

The Knot just makes me sad anymore. Sad for how women have to do everything to put other women down to make themselves feel better.

Sad how they think their is only one right answer for a wedding and if you didn't have a super fancy platinum wedding you're not worth it.

I gave up on The Knot a long time ago.

holly p said...

I'm with you on this one! I tell my ideas to people around me and they look at me like I'm crazy. I tell them I'm going to make our invitations, make table runners, etc. and they think I'm incapable. When meeting with our decorators last week I was talking about the things I'm going to make and they were basically telling me I will never be able to do it. Then I showed them the save the date cards I just made and they shut up! I think they get it now. And if they don't, I don't care! :)

The Professional Bridesmaid said...

Great post. Just enjoy and make it yours!

Brandy said...

You don't know how much I needed to read that! I probably should read this every single day.
I don't even tell people I know our plans!

Alison said...

God this is SO my favourite wedding blog. I mean it was before this anyway.. but stuff like this.. I love.

I went to The Knot like once EVER and I was like "uh.. this website is not for me" and just navigated away. And it seems that I should be glad I did so. Because it sounds like a horrible site if it's making people feel bad about their wedding choices!

Also, I'm totally designing and emailing my own invites and save the dates. And I couldn't be more excited about it! My mom wasn't down at first, but she eventually caved. It saves money AND the environment (mostly money though.. haha)

Stephanie Lyn said...

I so agree with everyone's comments on this post (esp. holly p & Alison). I might have to link to this on my blog to provide some insight to those closest to me on where I am coming from.

Thanks TTO for sharing the love.

Megan said...

I, absolutely, know how you feel.

I remember in the early stages of planning, when theknot was all I knew. I really didn't know how I was going to pull off a budget wedding. All the site was telling me was that I needed to be wearing a 2,000 dollar dress and, my favorite, serve a three course meal instead of five to save some money.

I, honestly, have no idea what women do if they can't find sites like yours and all of the other practical, classy, EXCELLENT blogs give great wedding advice.

foxxxyboxxxy said...

are you kidding me... i love the knot!...but for this reason only....

i love going on the site and finding ideas.... and then i like to take those ideas, make them my own, do them for way less... and i know it'll still be fabulous.

the fact that many of these people spent way too much money...and then i just saved a bunch creating a "luxe look" for way way way way less makes me smile. i just laugh and say "suuucccckkkaahhss!"

so the people who think im nuts for wanting to make my own cake, my own invites, my own centerpieces, and do my own make up... when they see it and think i spent a fortune... and i say "oh no... i made/did that myself...." they can eat their hearts out =D

Jess and Frankie said...

its true, the knot has too many catty women on there.

also, i AM tired of people looking at me crazy for my ideas. why do they do that?! I'd love to repost this on my blog, giving credit to you of course.

Bree said...

I've been subscribed to your blog for nearly a year (since before either of us were engaged) and now that we're almost there, you're quickly becoming one of the first tabs in reader I click on. Thank you for staying grounded. It's through your advice (as well as loads of other bloggers) that as I tell people everyday that my wedding is less than a month away, I can shock them with how calm and collected I am. I get less stressed and more excited as I check to dos off of my list and enjoy building a life with my soon-to-be hubby. So hey, congrats to us!

Victory Bird said...

Thanks for the reminder. Sometimes I forget that not everyone on the planet thinks like the wedding community we have created here! Sad, all they know is the WIC and Tradition with a capital T.

karri said...

Good gravy, you're awesome - thanks for making us remember this. I've shed enough tears because of people who don't understand, or feel the need to impart their wisdom, or who just think I'm odd (and that's my family alone!). I used to read the knot voraciously - I think the snark/support ebbs and flows as new members come in and old members move on. I only pop in from time to time to see the wedding porn of some of the old members (although I actually posted a PSA today because Illuminations is having a big-arsed sale).

Callie said...

mmm the knot. headquarters of super-lame weddings. Bring on the sweet details and the personality! Leave the cookie-cutter, Barbie Dreamhouse stuff to people less awesome.
You rock TTO.

My name is Sarah said...

Thank you for this. Seriously.

Julia said...

totally. totally. The Knot stresses me out a lot - it should be such a positive thing but, sadly, it sometimes really isn't.
Well done you - loving your words and your blog x

kilee said...

yes, perfectly said...enjoy the ride.

you can make-it-your own in every special way without paying a fortune for it.

kilee
www.happyhourbride.com

Anonymous said...

Thank you for saying what is not often said!

I thought when we started wedding planning I would have my friends, sisters, and other family members to help -- and that everyone would be *blissfully happy* to help, or even offer ideas.

6 months later, I understand those TV shows like Bridezillas because they have experienced death by a thousand pin pricks. Close friends and family have gradually worn them down to the point where we tune in and see them melt down. Most of those girls were once really nice but wedding planning broke their spirits....

I feel like because I am not having a giant "princess" wedding that what I am doing is not acceptable -- or people don't understand. "What do you mean you're not serving cake?!" Several of our guests are perplexed by the substitution of pie instead of cake -- I feel like a rule breaker.

Sometimes, all I want is for someone close to me to hear my ideas and say "great, how can I help you make that happen?" rather than suggest a more traditional route...

grrr....total rant! Sorry! Thanks for making wedding planning not all rainbows, lollipops, and kittens. The stereotype has totally killed my expectations, often leaving me disappointed. This blog makes me feel less alone.

Happy planning!

very married said...

completely and totally agree.

Julie Ann said...

thank you for this reminder. i know a lot of people (like myself) start off wanting a simple wedding, then become overwhelmed by friends, blog articles, comparisons of other friends' weddings, etc. and it can skew our judgement. while i'm in the middle of planning a wedding waaay lower than your budget i will do so knowing that it's for me and my future hubby. plain and simple.

NotQuiteaBride said...

well said. couldn't agree with you more, and I just keep ignoring the sighs and eye rolls, and I say, "just wait until you see it all come together. it's not as weird as you think it will be!"

Bridechka said...

Hear, hear, sister. Great post!

The Wishful Dreamer said...

Agreed. Sometimes being stubborn a d wearing your rose colored glasses can be the best thing for you!

erica said...

having been there, done that, moved on to babies and the good life, all i can say is that going over budget because of outside 'pressures' can come back to haunt you, especially when you're feeling down about the economy. i've done my time and am only now feeling ok about my wedding (3 years later), so i say a hearty amen to enjoying the ride.

sendingpostcards said...

I just became engaged and am trying my best not to fall into the 'perfect' wedding trap... but with all the gorgeous pictures and articles on celebrity weddings, it can be hard! Thanks for this post.

jeffxprince said...

give me your best shot!(criticized) criticism a good appetizer to my stomach! so dnt let others bring you down!
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The Perfect Pear has been your specialists for First Communion Dresses, Flower Girl Dresses, Christening Gowns, Baptism gowns, Christening Dresses, Pageant dresses for girls, Boys Suits, tuxedos for boys, Ring Bearer suits since 1993. We're growing with your children for all their special occasions in life.

The Perfect Pear l.l.c. said...

P.S. your not alone
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The Perfect Pear has been your specialists for First Communion Dresses, Flower Girl Dresses, Christening Gowns, Baptism gowns, Christening Dresses, Pageant dresses for girls, Boys Suits, tuxedos for boys, Ring Bearer suits since 1993. We're growing with your children for all their special occasions in life.