Thursday, June 18, 2009

#649: my real life.

i hate those movies without endings. and yeah, if i were you, i'd want to know how much i spent and how i spent it.

i asked the hubs if he thought he'd want to know if he didn't already know and he said..."uh. duh."

$10,000 isn't chump change but it sure is a dreamy budget for a real wedding, eh. not for all, but for most. so i get it. i get you.

i'm not embarassed i went over (not anymore, anyways) and i don't think you'd judge me for it. i've had one or two comments thrown my way to the effect of something like "i'm going to stop reading this blog because you are obviously going over $10,000 which means you are lying to us and you are not staying true to the cause..." (errr, ok?...)

but they're obviously no longer reading so...

...and this blog has been blessed with extremely supportive readership. my wedding clearly wasn't run of the mill but most of the things i chose to do were fully supported through TTO. because you GET indie. you GET setting a budget that is within your means and then some. you GET refusing to be WIC-ified unless you want to be. you GET it. plus, i don't KNOW-you-know-you. so i'm not scared to share personal information with you.

but in real life, i get scared. i'm a really reeeeeeally private person. like annoyingly private. like i have walls and things all around me. and there are like 3 people inside those walls with me. and the rest will forever just be scratching the surface.

...i'm one of those.

we can get psycho-analytic about my past with friendships and trust and things like that...but that's not the point. point is. i get nervous when people i know know too much about me.

which is why i've chosen to remain anonymous until now. which is why i still haven't told any of my friends about this blog. which is why even though i think they might already know about this blog, i don't ever bring it up. and which is why they probably don't bring it up with me. which is why i hope you can appreciate that it was a really reeeeeeeally big deal to show you my faaaaace. sure, you would've eventually perhaps figured it out. but dude. i actually led you there, remember?

and then now, to divulge something personal like 'how much i spent on my wedding' to not just you, but potentially to people i a huge step for me. not saying i won't do it. but i'm just saying, ok?

anyways. maybe you get where i'm coming from. maybe you don't. either way, i know you're curious.

so as i mull it over and figure out the best way for us to meet in the middle, here's what you should do before all else should you have goals and intentions that mirror mine.

start a blog.


i'm not joking.

(p.s. i'll explain more later. for now, i have to get back to work.)


LPC said...

If your budget never sees the light of day I personally don't mind one whit. However, if I never get to see the photographs I will be sad. Life is 50% imagination anyway.

gwendolyn said...

i'm with LPC. its a really tough call and isn't really anyone's business. weddings are fricking expensive and max wanger is even more expensive ;) (i should know, you made me so fricking jealous that i had to score the guy too for my wedding!)
i get it. i'd say don't share. i wouldn't want to share with ppl i know what i spent on mine.
everything was perfectly beautiful. leave it at that!

Anonymous said...

hehe. I like being private too! but i realized after I googled not under the radar like i wanna be. suckfest indeed. i dunno how to get me off google, but i'll live. better to be known than not known i guess.& your totally known for such crazy good reasons. like being honest & funny & a fantastic writer. so.. get it get it girl!

SG said...

I'm only interested in knowing b/c I'm in the process of planning my own wedding and seeing other people's budgets helps me put into perspective some of the pricing that I'm getting. But I get the whole privacy thing, money is a very touchy issue for most people.

Mommy2lilgems said...

Love this blog! Love that you're actually contemplating exposing your budget to us, your readers. But please know, that if you don't I won't mind. I happy to know you had a fabulous wedding, and if you went over budget, such is life.

The Frugal Fabulous Bride said...

How about this for an idea?: for those who want to know, offer to email it to them, or send it to them some other way, like in their blog, or something. And you - being your understandably private self AND the author of this blog - reserve the right to choose what constitutes a person you want to reveal that information to. Completely subject to your discretion, no explaination required. Would that be a fair compromise that you could feel comfortable with?

Also, consider: we don't actually know you more about you because you showed us your face. That doesn't tell us much that we didn't already know (you're a girl, your asian... not really breaking new ground) and we still only get to know you as you see fit to let us. You're still in control. And we're still in the dark about a lot. Just a thought.

talda said...

i'll take however you decide to reveal the info. do what makes you feel comfortable.

but will you still show detail photos of your decor and whatnot? i'm interested in seeing how all of that turned out!

Mama H said...

Hey there. I'm not sure if I've ever posted before, but I planned a wedding for the end of May with a $10,000 budget too. While our weddings were totally different style wise, I feel a kinship to you because our weddings were exactly what we wanted them to be, regardless of whatever "wedding standard" there is. Now, I haven't tallied my total spendings down to the last penny, but I know I was close to 10 grand. Over, but not by much. I'm curious to see how you came out, but even I think it would be weird to see the break down on your blog. Because, at least for me, this blog became more about YOU and your aspirations for the wedding you wanted, than about the money. I have my own blog, and while I'm getting ready to do recaps and post pictures, I don't have any intention of talking about money. Anyway, no matter what the title of your blog, I feel like I was on a journey with you as you planned and somewhere along the way "money talk" got kicked off the bus. I think it should stay there.

Amanda said...

Oh the suspense :) just kidding. It's totally up to you, seriously. I'ts your budget, your wedding, not ours. But yea I'm on board with all the others, let's see some pictures :) I started reading this blog, because recently I got engaged, I know nothing about weddings and budgets, so yea... and plus you're pretty funny.

moviestarblog said...

Wow!! Best of Luck to you!!

A Homespun Love said...

Whats most important is that you thought about your wedding. You took the time to question your decisions and the impact they would have. Budget busting or not, you forged a path.

One Barefoot Bride said...

It's totally reasonable to be uncomfortable posting the numbers, especially if you think friends might be reading... who wants to know just how much was spent to throw an amazing party that they attended? Somehow that's like leaving the price tag on the bottom of a gift - just not done.

It's one thing to blog when you're totally anonymous, but now that your image is out there, and friends/ family can find your blog, it makes sense to feel a bit shy about it. I've been wanting to put some costs on my blog - to help other brides - but I know that friends and family have found it, and I don't want them to come to my wedding knowing the cost of every little detail.

Maybe you could just talk about a few items that were either much more or much less than you anticipated - that might help others with budgeting. In any case, it's been great fun to come along on the ride toward planning a beautiful and heartfelt wedding - which everyone wants, regardless of the price tag.

Anonymous said...

I'm also a long-time reader & comment occasionally (I'm only anonymous because I haven't got a Google accoount/blog profile). Those interested in a more exact $$$ breakdown can search and re-read the blog to get a better idea, as Adela has posted figures on quite a few things. The dress cost about $1k, there are prices for Lawry's, and one post (#393, I think) mentions the intial $10k budget might not stretch to photography. Max Wagner's rates are advertised on his website too. If you are curious enough - you can piece together the budget! So no need for a dedicated blog post on this topic. Thanks for sharing everything that you have already generously shared. Love from Australia.

Anonymous said...

I was planning a 10,000 wedding too, and after getting married on May 30th, it was a 15,000 wedding. Not my proudest moment, but reading your blog made me feel better. There, I shared, you too :)

chicncheap said...

I got you. I'm pretty private too which makes the blog thing fascinating. I posted one tragic, half-explained vent about a lost friendship in a bridesmaid and shower planning and was reamed about being a greedy gift-grabbing bridezilla. That taught me to explain more when I posted.

I did but also hesitated, how much of yourself do you put out there? I'm not anymore, but try to post useful things.

I also learned there are very strange, super judgey bridal bloggers.

Oh well. Like others have said, do what you want.

You also seem like you need a hug so *hug*.

Encore Bride said...

Whether the wedding was 10k, 15k or 20k you shared the struggles of planning an event with us while trying to stay under budget. We all know that reality can sometimes be far from what we planned. I say do what you think it's best but please stick around and share how everything went. Cheers!

sera said...

First my budget was $8k. Then I saw my guest list. Then my budget was $10k. Then I booked my venue. While I'm still aiming for $10k (because I haven't paid out a bunch of deposits), I know I'll go over it. Diff between you and me? I didn't name my blog TTO. I easily removed my budget with a simple mouse click. You couldn't necessarily do that.
And, you started planning this shindig before you had a man. I don't think you should tell us how much you spent if you're uncomfortable.
But I know we would love it if you would share your budgeting and pricing expertise after two+ years of research.
For example, I only recently discovered the crazy price variance of photographers. You know what to expect with the lower priced ones, what to expect with the awesome ones (Max Wanger, One Love Photo, Jose Villa). You researched so many venues in your area (and linked to someone's spreadsheet as I recall). Is it worth it to do your own flowers? range of florist costs, etc.
You know your shit, we love you for it. I don't care how much you spent on your wedding because of compromises or stress management (some of us anyway have realized this happens), you acted as a wedding planner, you cheated the wedding planner system, we just want your knowledge.
sending you love, and congratulations!

Anonymous said...

Yes, deciding to make your expenses public is a tricky decision. I'm only a few months into planning, but I've decided to publicly post our budget. I hope throwing it out there somehow makes it easier to stick to. And like SG, I'm also very curious about what people are spending on things like photography. Knowledge makes us more powerful as brides on a budget!

Anonymous said...

your honesty makes me smile. and so i went and did it. but not today. i started my blog about a month ago and never really got into it. you have inspired me to try again. and i thank you for that.

and don't worry, i won't stop reading if you don't post the deets. (but i really would love to know so i can show my future husband!!)

now for the hard do i get readers?

Anonymous said...

I feel the hell out of this. None of my friends know about my blog either. It's this weirdly precious space, and I feel weird about the anonymity vs not thing too. Thank you for sharing this stuff, it is wonderful to read.

Tara said...

I think the same rules that you used to plan and create your wedding relate to how to handle this decision as well - do what makes you feel comfortable! If you are appehensive about it then that should mean something to you. Don't cause yourself undo stress just to please some readers. At the end of the day, it's not about us, it's about what you think is right.

Anonymous said...

1st of all your wedding pics are AMAZING, so genuine and classy!!Dont tell!. The fact that you are contemplating tells me that you are not comfortable with sharing. Sure the blog is "TTO" and maybe that's what sparked our interest getting here, but for me, it's not what kept me reading. It was your sassiness, your honesty and ability to reassure me that doing things your own way was doable and gratifying. Keep it true don't tell unless you little heart so desires, not for the satisfaction of others. I think most of us who are still reading would continue doing so regardless!

Ivy said...

easily solved - just change your byline:

A $10,000 Wedding: Can I do it?

* Yep, and then some!
* No, but I came pretty close
* Not even close, but we had a great time and it was worth it!

Julie said...

I just stumbled across your blog, I don't know the full story, but I do know this... life is short, just be happy. Be true to yourself, and those your love. Nothing else really matters. Best Wishes!

Traveling bride said...

I just wanted to say how much I appreciate your blog and how glad I am that you have chosen to share with us all your advice/how to and lessons, which will be so so helpful.

I live in Australia and am very luck to have slightly bigger budget, but your stories and advice have/will be invaluable for me (far more than exact figures)

I've taken your advice and started a blog - at 1st it was just for myself to have a record of all the ups and down and to have a place to put all ideas (I have far too many for one wedding).

Now however after reading your blog and a number of other I see how helpful blogs can be for advice, support and connection etc. so I was wondering if you could give me some advice on how to bring more traffic to my blog. Without telling my friends.

anna said...

Personally, I don't know why people really care.

Your photos were fantabulous. So you had your wedding. You obviously worked hard to get what you wanted. Whether it be $50 for $50000 over budget. You thought about the money aspect rather than splashing money about willy-nilly.

You were only trying to remain in budget. What does it really matter to someone else. If they can, good for them.

I don't think that it is because money is a touchy subject I just see the green eyes.

I have rambled - I hope I made some sense?!

PS. I think Ivy has the right idea!

an aqua juel said...

I'm looking forward to what you say about starting a blog and how it can help. I started mine a couple months back and so far love it!! Still hoping you continue yours though...and definitely respect your privacy! I certainly don't need to hear the final cost, just reading about what was important to you and your priorities was the best for me :)

wedding tuxedos said...

I myself love to keep things to myself as well but i think putting pics to your blog can also add beauty to it. I really admire your honesty though. Thanks for revealing your budget on your wedding! The budget doesn't really matter as long as you know you will be forever happy spending the rest of your life with someone you truly love and loves you too. That's the most important thing.

Westside Wedding said...

Whether you share the number or don't doesn't matter to me because the point of the blog was your journey not just how you got to 10,000. Thank you so much for all your advice, I'm doing what you said and started my own blog. You are awesome.

The Perfect Pear l.l.c. - Jeremiah K said...

You are a great person! dnt stop helping people in a way of sharing your experiences and stories! live it and embrace it!


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