Tuesday, September 30, 2008

#386: ...or both?

i just had another nightmare about our wedding.

we never rehearsed, we were frantically writing our vows up until we were dragged to the church pews to take our seats before the ceremony (???), the ceremony overlapped with an actual church service, our wedding was almost forgotten and the congregation was told to leave and then to come back again, and after it was over, i begged of everyone "could we pleeeease do it over? i didn't get to walk down the aisle.." and no one would listen.

wow. lonely world, these wedding nightmares.

**********************************************************

if you couldn't tell, i walked away from my job in finance. and in doing so, i also walked away from medical insurance, dental insurance, worker's comp, paid leave, etc.

and i feel nekkid.

and although it's rather exhilarating to be freeeeee from the clutches of an industry i really could care less about, i also feel apprehensive and irresponsible at the thought of not being covered, insurance wise (among other things).

so like in any partnership, the fiance and i thoroughly discussed (for about 5 minutes) what we should do. and we've decided to...

ELOPE.

egads. i know. but wait. we're not going to just elope. we're going to elope FIRST. we'd legitimize our marriage on paper and with a civil ceremony...and still have our 'wedding' next year (which is, as of now, i think going to happen in May. emphasis on 'as of now' and 'i think'.)

first and foremost, we'd be ridding ourselves from most of the anxiousness we feel in wanting to get married like Right. Now. remember how we considered november dates and february dates? it's because we really do just want to be married. we've flip flopped on the dates a million times, trying to find reasons to get married sooner rather than later. so eloping first would...offer us some relaxation in that regard. we could focus on the 'family' and 'celebration' part of the wedding as opposed to the 'getting married' part. is that weird?

second, we'd be married. WE'D BE MARRIED! (i guess this would be an extension of the first point...)

third, i would no longer be nekkid.

i think i heard the word "perfect" from the fiance at some point during our talk. i also asked my mom and she was 110% for it. i discussed with friends and they were fully supportive...and even suggested that we ask our photog to photograph the civil ceremony in lieu of our 'engagement' pics (which i think is brillz because i never really saw the point of having engagement pics - separate post about that coming up soon).

so. as strange as it may sound, it looks like we're doing both, my friends. eloping + hosting a wedding. it just works for us...and i can't tell you how excited and happy i am.

1) which date would you use for the anniversary? i think i'm going to use the wedding date, not the eloping date. unless convinced otherwise.

2) i will be sporting a dress from my own collection of dresses. but it doesn't hurt to imagine what it'd feel like to get civilly married in one of these:


via perfect bound.


via ruby pr.


via style.com.

33 comments:

Nancy said...

Congratulations! This is exactly what my wife and I did, though for different reasons. We'd been planning a non-legal wedding for 7/4/09, including putting down deposits, etc. When gay marriage was made legal in CA, we didn't want to risk it being overturned in the Nov elections and not being able to legally marry, so we got married at city hall on 7/3/08. Our photographer used the 7/3 wedding as our engagement session, and a dozen friends joined us for the ceremony and then lunch afterward.

We didn't think it would be that big a deal, since we're still having a WEDDING next year, but really it felt fantastic and wonderful and being married is just so delightful. I fully endorse City Hall weddings now :)

jen said...

wonderful idea! I wish you and your fiance a wonderful life- and as I sit here in my cubicle wasting my day working for a company I could care less about, I salute your courage to step out on your own!

Broke-ass Bride said...

Wow - congrats! That must be a huge relief. I totally endorse this strategy, especially when insurance comes into play.

But you should elope to Vegas :)

I think it suits you as a couple, and its practical and cool. I'm really happy for you!

Kate said...

Yay! I have considered eloping myself- and with the economy what it is becoming, I'm sure a lot more people are going to soon be considering that option. It'll be great- can't wait to hear how you're going to make it your own. :) Congrats.

Anonymous said...

I applaud your decision! It is at once, practical AND romantic, which is such a good combination.

A city hall ceremony in a killer dress with your nearest and dearest sounds unbelievable. Then you can have a small dinner party and mini-moon.

If it were me, I think I'd use the elopement date as the anniversary since that's what your marriage certificate will say, and from that day on, you'll be legally married. Unless the 2nd wedding will be a religious ceremony and you'll want to use that date because of the meaning behind it.

Congrats!

Maggie said...

Congratulations!!!

Skeeta25 said...

WOW! Whats cool about an elopement too is that you can pick a really meaningful date and dont have to worry about the day of the week or convenience. Like 10/10 or 11/11. I wanted to do this because I was stressed and sick of teh planning. I told my mom I would have a civil ceremony and then a wedding next year. She stated " If you do taht you better not tell me about it, I dont want to be at a fake wedding" So that ditched that idea out of the window. Oh well, Im excited for you. And go buy a cool white suit like Carrie!!

Jessica @ budgetsavvybride said...

how exciting!! I'm sure that is a big weight off your shoulders. I have to admit lately I've been feeling like I want to throw up my hands and say 'let's elope!' too!! I'm glad you're doing what works for you guys and that you're happy with your decision! Congrats!! :)

Shannon said...

Congrats!
Soooo much less pressure and I applaud you for knowing the value of health insurance this day and age.

Hope you still keep blogging on your ideas...I remain ever inspired!

Kristy said...

Congratulations! That sounds fantastic. I don't think I could get away with it (it would cause too much family drama on his side and mine), but I am in full support of others getting to. =)

As for the date, well, now that I think about it, I'm not sure. I'd probably celebrate the day of the elopement, because otherwise it seems like you haven't been married for as long as you really have. Or something. If that makes sense. . .

Linda said...

Congrats on deciding! I think eloping is a great idea. Why not have the big wedding a year later on the same day you guys eloped?

NotQuiteaBride said...

THIS IS SO EXCITING!

You'll be like Carrie in the Sex and the City movie.

I love this idea, and think it's totally going to be great for you.

Anonymous said...

congrats!! the fi and i did the same thing last month =). we're set to have the wedding next year, 8/8/09 but for tax/insurance/practical reasons, we decided to do a civil ceremony earlier. it was fun though, the folks at the county clerk were really nice and we wore cuter versions of our wedding garb. although we tried to time it so we could have it done 8/8/08, given the significance of the date for asian folks and our procrastination to make an appointment, we had to wait until after that weekend, which happened to be HIS parents' anniversary. but i think we'll be treating our wedding date as our anniversary because we'll be doing another wedding ceremony next year -- it's important we share that with our family and friends, and we weren't able to have anyone close to us share our civil ceremony experience.

now the fun thing with our wedding planning is we're heading into it in full celebration mindset!

Irishker said...

Congratulations on coming to that decision! How exciting and romantic to finally be married! Will you guys still be having a 2nd wedding or just a big party?!

Autumn Witt (future Autumn Witt Boyd) said...

Congratulations!!! What a load off this must be, and really, much smarter in letting you take as long as you need to figure out how to host your dream wedding on the budget you want to stick with, while still getting the legal benefits of marriage. Good luck and warm wishes!

AmyJean said...

CONGRATULATIONS! That is so awesome. I definitely thought about doing the same,... So i admire you and wish you nothing but happiness and know that regardless your wedding date and elope date will both be absolutely amazing!

Anonymous said...

Congratulations~ Bet you never thought this blog would include elopement!

Katherine said...

We did this too, for similar reasons (entirely monetary/insurance) and we used our family wedding date as our anniversary. We feel that it is our true anniversary, because then we got to write our own ceremony and say what we meant - and we did the ceremony ourselves with friends as readers. It was great. Congratulations!

erinmaureen said...

I'm kind of in the same situation, except I got laid off. So hard to find a job right now and COBRA is killing me with its $300/month, which is like 80% of what unemployment pays. We have considered the elopement privately. I know we'd be for it, but I dont know about the parents. You will have very cute pics, I picture a white suit or vintage style dress. I'm all about it, congrats on making the best decision for YOU and giving yourselves more time to plan the celebration.

Andi Pandi said...

That is too cute! My two best friends did the same thing, they got married at the courthouse & it was WONDERFUL & unique. I'll try to remember to post pictures of them this weekend, I think you will love it.

10/09 said...

*hooray*

:D exciting news!

Maddie said...

Right on sister! I just did the exact same thing for the exact same reasons not more than two weeks ago and it feels great. Planning a wedding when you're already married is such a great relief I don't know why it doesn't happen more often!

Power to you for being able to see through the crap about the "big day" and realizing that it's really about your "big life."

greengelato said...

we also did this...in order to qualify for ucla family student housing. though we don't really consider it an elopement and consider our wedding-y day our anniversary. if you're from LA, you'll probably get married in the faketastic chapel in norwalk with the plastic rose petals. our officiant asked me whether or not i was getting married by my own will. classic, romantic moment. i wore a ripped radiohead concert t-shirt and flip-flops, but we did have my friend/witness take photos. :)

Guilty Secret said...

Congratulations. Good for you, going the practical route. But I would definitely celebrate both anniversaries, with more emphasis on the first (for me personally) as that's the day you actually become husband and wife and that's huge. Otherwise you're not counting the years you've been married, but how long since you had a party!

The Roaming Southerner said...

Suggestion on dates/anniversaries: If you make it on the same day of the month of your formal wedding (10/20/08 and 06/20/08) then the 20th will always be a special day for you. Our priest encouraged us to celebrate the 10th of every month married...not to leave celebrating marriage to just once a year.

If you can plan it, it would be a good way to have a special number-day forever!

Jill said...

I think you should definitely use your elope date as your anniversary. It's the official date. Your "wedding" that you host for your friends is more like your formal celebration. That's just my 2 cents anyway.. :)

Aisha said...

Do it!!!!! My fiance and I did the same thing. We will be married again this coming January before our family and friends. It was a last minute decision while we were visiting his parents in San Francisco. SF has one of the most beautiful city halls I've ever seen. It was exciting fun and oh my gosh the memories. We haven't decided what date we will celebrate but I think we are leaning towards the the date of the civil ceremony. Either way I wish you the best. I am a firm supporter of this idea. Love your blog!

.reese. said...

you sound relieved and happy! i'm so jealous! the idea's popped into my head, but i can't get the idea of a wedding ceremoney and reception out of my head...so we're gonna go for it. but i'm so jealous of how calm you sound with leaving your job and planning a new wedding strategy. congrats!

Elizabeth said...

Wonderful. I have always been a big fan of eloping! So much less stress!

I personally would go with the elopement date for the anniversary. Because that's when you were officially recognized & sanctioned as a unit by society, and when you made those official commitments and vows to each other. Let us know what you decide!

little miss said...

Fantastic idea, as we're about to do the same ourselves! For visa issues, ML and I are inviting our families to NYC to meet each other and have a small ceremony/dinner with them, and then have the big party a year later on the same weekend. We'd love to have the second party on the same day the following year, but I'm not sure if it will work out...

Hopefully there aren't any heart attacks in the family when they discover that our "nice dinner on saturday night" is really a wedding!

gretta said...

congrats!

cassandratheexplorer said...

Congrats! My hubby and I did the JOP thing right before he got deployed to Iraq and having our actual wedding about two months after he gets back. I can say it really has lifted a lot of the typical stress but it's still just as fun. The ceremony is really important to us just because no one was there when we legally married. As for which date we're going to use, probably just use the original one since we just past our one year mark, maybe I'll get lucky and he'll let me have two anniversaries? Wishful thinking... Good luck!

Yayer said...

Congrats!!!

My husband and I eloped in Hawaii last year and I actually just blogged about how now rounding at to our 1 year anniversary I have no regrets. My mother in law threw us a party in Chicago a month later. My family has yet to celebrate. With a lot of things going on in our life, we decided it wasn't really that important to spend a bunch of money on one day. Maybe 10 years down the road we can do a wedding party to celebrate 10 years and renew our vows then.

We used points for our flights and hotel in Honolulu and used Priceline for our Maui honeymoon. Our photographer was a newbie and found for a bargain on Craigslist. My dress was from Zara, his outfit was from J Crew and Brooks Brothers. It was the best decision we ever made. We had the best time. No stress and we saved a ton of money.

Here's some photos from our day:
http://flickr.com/photos/rubio/sets/72157603122521892/

Here's his website: http://www.jamesrubiophotography.com/