Friday, May 15, 2009

#640: advice.

i'm not really qualified to impart any advice.

but let me do so anyways.

****************************************

a lot of brides have told me that the week before the wedding is CRAZY NUTS INSANE CRAZY and CRAZY. they just want it to BE OVER...like COME AND GO already. have i used enough CAPS to EMphasize my WOrds.

i've heard it so often since even before i got engaged...that i actually did the unthinkable, peeps.

i didn't procrastinate.

i gathered. i prepared. i gameplanned. i action-listed. i delegated. i coordinated. (uh, this blog? hello?)

and...

...i'm now at the point where i will be totally and completely letting go of all reigns to let the people who have stuff to do, actually do what they're supposed to do.

it's not like i'm not going to have stuff to do or figure out or finish. but i don't think i'm going to WIG OUT right before the wedding worrying about all the details (and there are a LOT of details to figure out. no really. a lot.)...because i've taken care of everything beforehand.

and certainly, when the wedding day arrives, i'm not going to sweat the minutia. i'm not going to have an ounce of concern. i'm going to cruise. i mean. this isn't natural, of course. it'll take effort on my part to not want to oversee every little thing on the day of...but i will work hard to keep those things out of my mind. other than that, my biggest 'job' will be reminding myself to be in the moment, to take in as much as i can, to smile and hug and touch up any smeared makeup.

that's it.

ANYWAYS. so. i guess my advice here is two-fold.

1) don't procrastinate.
2) don't forget to enjoy yourself during the planning process.
2.5) ...and on the day of.

me personally? i think #2 is harder. it's easy to get really wrapped up in the stress, anxiety, and the CONTROL part of planning...and unbeknownst to yourself, letting that become your entire experience. there were times when i had to check myself...and looking back, i'm so glad i did. because i've never once thought -- "i want it to be over already" or "planning sucks" or etc. it's been a joyride for the most part, ladies. and i guess i'm saying what i'm saying because i wish the same upon you.

...and with my own wedding date getting closer and closer, it almost feels like the beginning of the end for this blog, doesn't it?

i don't know.

have a great weekend. xoxo.
tto

26 comments:

east side bride said...

best. advice. ever.

p.s. I think it's sexy if your makeup gets a little smudged. eff it.

Lily G. said...

You still need to continue the blog, but now you can talk about married life!

liliesandgrapes.blogspot.com

Linda said...

Very true. Sometimes didn't turn out right ( or right IMO) day of. But you know what? Not of that stopped me from getting married and enjoying our day. Hubs was way more stressed day of than I was, so he was so glad for everything to be over.

myteemingee said...

Yes! I, too, planned early and didn't procrastinate, but somehow still couldn't fully be "in the moment" on the big day. The one thing I regret about our day is that I couldn't cry when saying our vows because wheels were spinning so fast in my head and I was caught up in the excitement of it all. Now, whenever I listen to the song I walked down the aisle to, I cry, belatedly. I wish you super calming peace on your wedding day so you CAN be "in the moment"!!

Ditto about continuing the blog about married life.. something like... "300k only for your first home"? ;) hee hee!

Ghenet said...

Thanks for this post. I wholeheartedly agree with everything you've said, and I'm trying to enjoy every moment of my wedding planning.

Definitely continue your blog! You have so many great ideas and should keep sharing them!

Jessica @ Mason Jar Bride said...

ummm, i think you're totally qualified to give advice. just sayin'. because i have been reading your blog for, like, ever and i have taken quite a bit of your advice and it has helped, especially in terms of my sanity level. so thanks, and please don't stop blogging!

LPC said...

Voice of sanity is always useful.

Stephanie Lyn said...

This is my mantra too. Anticipate the stress & squash it! Plus my fiance keeps me sane :)

un-bride said...

I certainly hope you'll stick around after the big fiesta.

courtney said...

I surely hope you don't stop blogging!

And congrats on not procrastinating! It really really helps the week/day of!

melanie said...

please don't stop! we'll miss you!

Wedding Marquees UK said...

If you’ve decided the place of wedding, at some point you’re going to think about planning of the wedding. As with most weddings, you have the choice of planning your wedding or hiring wedding planner.

{The Perfect Palette} said...

great advice!!

an aqua juel said...

Someone told me once...

If your wedding day is the happiest day of your life, that'd be really sad.

So yeah, I haven't been there yet, but I think it would be such a bummer if that was THE happiest day, ya know? What about all those times to come?

and YES, please keep blogging!! If anything, can you have like a "Dear TTO" blog where all of us brides can still email you with questions and stuff? Would be amazing... :)

Sharpiegirl said...

In the week leading up to your wedding make sure you have someone close to you that can tell you when you are needing that xanex. There will be at least one point in the last few days that will drive you to absolutely NEEDING IT! And you will need someone who is close enough that can tell you you are starting to lose it, REALLY be able to tell you that you are losing it! Cause most folks won't.
The last 3 days before my wedding I was so OVER the whole wedding thing. Everyone that was supposed to be helping me and doing stuff totally flaked out on me.
I was ready to board a plane for Vegas.

Mary Michal said...

Great advice.

I have to say that I completely stressed out for months prior to my wedding. I'm a control freak, and planning a wedding was tough for me. But when the day came, I completely relaxed about everything. I had a GREAT wedding day all because I was able to hand everything over to someone else. (Mind you, it was someone that I completely trusted!)

AnnC said...

So true. Happily I was able to do that. Well... almost. I had a control freak at about 7 p.m the friday before because I had just realized there were some "last week things" I still hadn't done... but thank god my family was there and I delegated (hard to do so when you've planned alone). And on D day, well some things didn't get done, nobody noticed because nobody knew, and I didn't care because I was happy (I must say... I care NOW that my water lanterns weren't used because the fountain was on and we didn't know how to turn it off and it was a detail I really cared about. Wedding blues sucks).

Shanna said...

I think it's a combination of the emotional chaos from realizing that the wedding is really about to happen and finding out that in all your planning, things are missing or just not planned well. It happens to a lot of people who have never planned or helped plan a wedding before, and it's one of the biggest reasons to hire a professional coordinator to help you in the process.

It's your choice to end the blog after you get married but I think we would love to keep seeing you write!

Meg said...

Sigh. As your posting was slowing down, I was thinking it was close to the end, and sad about it. I've been reading you for um, years? More than one for sure.

Anyway. Yes. Because what's the effing point otherwise? I'm working on stressing out now, so by August I'll be in "whatever, lets party!" land!

Pretty Bride said...

great advice... i needed to hear it... especially the part about enjoying the planning... sometimes i forget to... nice to hear it again...

Surprise Wedding said...

With just about a month to go, I'm looking ahead and figuring out what can and should get done right now asap, what can and should be delegated and what can and should wait until the last minute.

It's a process, to say the least, as planning is not something that comes naturally to me.

I've happily built in a little of what DOES come naturally to me - winging it - in the form of flowers (which will be picked up from the farmer's market the morning of the wedding) and beauty (which, duh, has to be taken care of on the day of).

elizabeth said...

Good advice! I've been following your blog since the beginning... and got married last week! I know people say it all the time, but it really IS the happiest day! Every moment was bliss, and I didn't stress about anything. Even when my husband told me at midnight the night before that he had forgotten to pick up his pants from the drycleaners!!! (And our wedding was 11 am the next day!) We stayed on top of everything, so the last week we could just enjoy every moment with all the people we love. I think it is important the day of- to really stay calm and at peace and focused on what you're doing... committing yourself to one person for the rest of your life! Have a beautiful wedding, and an even more beautiful life together- you deserve it!

Anna Alter said...

Your blog has been a huge help as I plan my wedding and hope you won't stop blogging about after! This advice about letting go of the details is just what I need to hear right about now.

So a question for you... I am about two months out from our wedding and at the point where I need to figure out how to delegate. What kind of jobs did you assign to make the home stretch less stressful??

Heather said...

Great words of advice, I hope every bride that reads it takes it to heart. And no don't stop blogging just because it's over. You have a fun, interesting take on the world (wedding or not)!

Shyla said...

amazing advice. thanks for the inspiration and words of wisdom. SO TRUE. I hope your day is full of love and happiness and memories that will last you a lifetime.

cupcakesandcurry.blogspot.com

Tris said...

Okay, I am definitely trying to take your advice.

But, I've never planned a wedding before, exactly what ARE the last minute things I need to delegate and/ or take care of now? What specifically did you get out of the way?

I think your advice is golden, btw. Hence why I'm trying to milk every last drop of it.