Tuesday, May 29, 2007

#4: something borrowed.

thank you iris for your comment on my previous post. you are SO RIGHT! looking into affordable secondhand 6-hour necessities is a must.

so first up...the dress.

do. not. kill. me.

but today, whilst trudging into work, i came up with a brilliant idea. i did a quick mental rolodex and thought about each of my ex-bride friends. and as i thought about her wedding, i thought about her dress. and as i thought about her dress and imagined it on me, i thought about how she'd react if i were to ask if i could borrow it, uh, for my own wedding. GASPPPPPP! i know. borderline ghetto, huh? and executed incorrectly, i know this whole idea could easily come undone and have me thrown into the super tacky bin. i know.

it's strange but i feel almost sacrilegious writing it down on paper as evidence...that i'm really just not interested in spending several grand (or even upwards of $500) on a heap of (albeit beautiful) fabric. i can't bring myself to throw that much money into something i'm going to wear once. people do it all the time and if i could without any qualms, i would too. but i can't and so i don't want to.

that said, i could also see how some brides could take my idea and mark it stupid and thoughtless. if i spent $3000 constructing a perfect gown for myself and a year later, a friend asked to borrow it for her own wedding...i mean, yikes. i wouldn't have the heart to say no, but i'd wonder why i had to suffer through blood and tears and spending moolah building a once-in-a-lifetime gown, only to then have someone else end up recycling the gown. without the effort. for her own wedding. for free.

but as someone who cares less about the dress than other details, i'm sure there are other brides out there (and some, my friends) who wouldn't get all bunched up at the notion of someone (a dear friend, natch) borrowing her wedding dress. so then the question becomes...how could i present this idea to everyone while making sure not to step on anyone's toes...boundaries...and egos?

and this is what i came up with: send out a mass email, explaining my goals and intentions...and leave it out there in the open for *her* (the one who doesn't really care about letting someone else wear her claimed duds for 6 hours) to step forward. that way, i'd only really start a dialogue with the brides who are actually a-ok with me borrowing their dresses. and those who cast me off as gross? well, then i guess we'd both be in the clear because they wouldn't have to reveal any nasty feelings and i wouldn't get hurt. koombayah! some people are more sensitive about this stuff than others and i get that. so what do you think? is there a better approach?

oh. but actually, there are only a handful of ex-bride friends i'd even feel comfortable approaching about this. so...chances are, i'm going to have to search for my own dress anways.

so here are my runner-ups if somehow my grand plan to make my dress my 'something borrowed' never comes to fruition. preference in order:

1) ivory or white bridesmaid dress instead
2) jcrew.com anyone?
3) ebay.com (back story here is that my friend's friend got an amazing dress on ebay. so i'm down.)
4) rent a dress (kinda heeby jeebied about this one though...)

and then...with the money i don't spend on the dress, i think i'd genuinely consider investing in a more longlasting heirloom, like jewelry or hairpieces. something safebox worthy...i soo wouldn't mind dropping some coin on something like that. because personally, i'd rather hand down something sparkly...than something cloth. but that's just me.


Anonymous said...

stopping through. also not engaged yet, also interested in not spending too much when the time comes. $10,000 is a nice number. you go girl!

Laurie said...

I got married last year and wore a $200 dress from jcrew.com. I loved it! I would definitely let a friend borrow it. I plan to wear it again someday.

Anonymous said...

You said you were a little iffy about a rented dress...how about one from a second hand wedding store? I know we have several around this area...dresses only worn once. I think there are websites like that, too...and have you tried Craigslist?! ;)

Sara said...

Nordstrom.com has a pretty nice variety of dresses, most at somewhat decent prices. Look in the Bridesmaid category for more variety.

Leslie said...

I wore a white (well, more like *champagne* color) bridesmaid dress from Watters and Watters. It is dupioni silk and constructed beautifully. The shine of the fabric was gorgeous in black & white photos. Pricetag was less than $300 with alterations, and mom made my simple veil. It was the frock of my dreams and still makes me sigh with bridal contentment every time I look at it. Mom was a little disappointed that I didn't resurrect her 1965 Priscilla of Boston gown, but if you're interested in checking it out, I'll let her know...

Jill said...

hi! My friend turned me on to your blog so naturally i wanted to start at the beginning even though i know this post was forever ago. I just wanted to say I got my dress on ebay for $89 plus shipping! I'm so happy with it, because I have the same sentiments as you about a wedding dress, I can't see spending so much money on something thats worn once!

A.I.S. said...

i bought one of the j.crew dresses because it was the one for me...now i'm hoping i can fit in to it...i bought the biggest size they have which is about 5 sizes smaller than what i am. eek.